self love

You Are Your Favorite

Since I was a kid, I’ve had the sneaking suspicion that I was my favorite. Like, of all the humans in the world, I wanted to be me. It wasn’t arrogant or egoic, it just felt true—I wanted to be this girl, this woman. Alongside this realization, since childhood, there have also been massive feelings of not good enough, unworthiness, and even the idea that ‘I am the worst person in the world, just human trash.’

These thoughts have often overshadowed the deeper truth—the natural love of myself—but the love remained there, underneath the pain.

It’s not a self-esteem thing. Or any kind of positive attitude or affirmation. It’s a very real inner knowing, deep in the bones, that this is who I want to be. I wouldn’t trade her in for any other human if given the chance. I want this body—with these arms, this face, these desires, these challenges. I don’t want their body, their life. Every detail—my nails and hair and hips and skin—with all of its ‘flaws’—I want it all. It’s built perfectly for me and my purposes.

Built Ins

The ‘hard problem of consciousness’ in Western science (I.e. Where does awareness come from?) is only a ‘problem’ because we’ve had the whole thing upside down. We’ve thought that there is matter/brain first, and awareness/consciousness arises out of the brain. But it’s the other way around—awareness comes first, and the material world arises out of it. 

Awareness is this primary thing—this essential nature—behind everything (including rocks and lizards and plants and computers…everything), and it has all of this inherent support—these built-in tools—for the body, the human being.

We just haven’t noticed. We’ve overlooked awareness like we overlook the space in the room or the ground under our feet—those utterly supportive, essential elements of life.

The Flywheel

There is a flywheel underfoot. It is nature’s rhythm and pulse. It is God’s divine orchestra.

And you are less than a hair’s breadth away from it.

You just have to scooch …every so slightly …out of those old, rusty rhythms of your life. Move just to the left of those grooves—those ideas about what keeps your life in order. Maybe it’s a pattern in a relationship or at work, a meditation or workout regimen, a particular coffee in the morning (like me!). These are the controlled, mechanized aspects of your life.