Since I was a kid, I’ve had the sneaking suspicion that I was my favorite. Like, of all the humans in the world, I wanted to be me. It wasn’t arrogant or egoic, it just felt true—I wanted to be this girl, this woman. Alongside this realization, since childhood, have also been massive feelings of not good enough, unworthiness, and even the idea that ‘I am the worst person in the world, just human trash.’
These ‘painbody’ thoughts have often overshadowed the deeper truth—the natural love of myself—but the love remained there, underneath the pain.
It’s not a self esteem thing. Or any kind of positive attitude or affirmation. It’s a very real inner knowing, deep in the bones, that this Being is who I want to be. I wouldn’t trade her in for any other human, if given the chance. I want this body, with these arms, this face, these desires, these challenges. I don’t want their body, their life. Every detail—my nails and hair and hips and skin—with all of its ‘flaws’—I want it all. It’s built perfectly for me and my purposes.
And I find this to be true for everyone. I’ve tested it out with several friends and most of my clients over the years—clients who have been deeply depressed, suicidal even, and convinced of their self hating thoughts. But underneath their stories, when asked if they would trade, they always said no. I want to be me, they said.
This can’t be believed, like some crappy affirmation or mantra. It can only be realized.
And it can only be realized from pure Awareness—that background witnessing consciousness that has been watching this avatar your whole life, with total unconditional love. It (the real, immortal you) has always been there, and will always be there. It has been loving you, in it’s witnessing of you, like a parent loves a child.
We are the child and the parent. The lover and the loved. What’s looking and what’s being looked at.
But these ‘two’ aren’t actually separate. And even more to the point, this is what we—The Awareness—are up to, here on earth—loving, and listening to, every inch of this particular body, this avatar. That’s the ‘point,’ in a sense—to fully allow this being’s embodied expression. For every corner of her/his/their heart to be felt and expressed.
On our new podcast, Humans Decoded, Kiran and I talk about your avatar being the ‘human suit’ you chose. For those who haven’t listened yet, we share our insights into the fact that all humans on earth fit 6 different avatar types: fairies, elves, gnomes, humans, hobbits and dwarves.
When we talk about our avatar as a ‘suit’ it helps put this right perspective in place. Eg. You wouldn’t identify with your outfit, with the clothing you own. But you choose clothing you like, and hopefully enjoy wearing it—the clothing reflects your inner you, what you simply want to wear.
Our human suits, or the avatars/blueprints we are talking about, are part and parcel of being our own favorite. You actually want to be an elf if you’re an elf. Or a dwarf if you’re a dwarf.
The feedback we are getting on the podcast tends to go one of two ways: 1. People feel seen and validated. They hear the word and description of a hobbit and it resonates completely. They always thought they were a fairy, and now don’t feel so crazy. 2. People are confused, maybe a bit frustrated. They see they might be a gnome, but don’t want to be one because perhaps they were told they should ‘cheer up,’ and believed it. Or they think gnomes in folklore are dark and ugly.
So a story of I’m-not-good-enough, or a story of what is bad or good with regard to looks/food/housing/relationships/work takes over and blocks the natural expression of the avatar, the truly fulfilling way of being in the world.
I ask you—who are your favorite people? In the real world or on TV, in movies, including fantasy genres? Not necessarily who you admire or respect the most, but your real favorites. Underneath everything, who in the movie would you want to be? For me, it’s Bilbo and Frodo and Sam. And it always was. For my elf friends it’s Legolas and Gandalf. For my gnome friend it’s Rick Rubin and Malcolm Gladwell. My dwarf stepfather loves Gordon Ramsey. My fairy friend loves Prince and Madonna.
And then I ask you to consider that you are your actual favorite fairy/gnome/human/elf/dwarf/hobbit. That those characters/people you love are just a reflection of the love you have for yourself. They mirror back to you a fundamental, delicious aspect of your being. One that you would never trade in.
Let’s take a minute to feel this..
Feel your feet and hands, hips and belly, neck and head. Just feel into these areas for 2 minutes. Take a moment to really attend to this being, to inhabit your body.
(Pausing :) )
And then ask yourself if you would trade this body in with that person/character you think is just the best? Would you swap with them? Imagine a real trade—you get their life (warts and all) for yours. If it came down to it—really feel this—would you trade? (Let me know in the comments)
I’m guessing you wouldn’t. You would choose you.
Because you are the Oneness itself, exploring what it is to be this particular human, this particular avatar that has never existed before. You said ‘this one please’ and got your wish. In psychology they call it ‘self actualization’—the fulfilled human, expressing themselves genuinely. But psychology left out the most important truth of who you really are—Oneness/Awareness. Thus, in my view, it left out the larger perspective we actually need in order to self-actualize.
Strangely, self actualizing as a human can only truly happen when you realize you aren’t just human. Like a video game player, you’ve gotta wake up to the fact that you’re watching the avatar play, while also being ‘in the game.’
You are your favorite avatar. So now.. how would you treat the most important, most favorite person in the world, if they were with you in this moment?
….
Find out more about the avatars on our Humans Decoded podcast here. We drop a new one most weeks, and have lively a Facebook chat going on here.
Join Simple Being for our next community meditation to more deeply inhabit your avatar.