The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski
your life is your life
don't let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
This poem makes me cry for all the truth in it. Like any great piece of art, it is perfect as it is, but it inspires me...
your life is your life
Don't believe me (check for yourself), but I think we are taught the opposite—that our life is for others (to love them, to do as they'd like--even if it is 'for our own good', to make money for them, to get their approval), or that it is for a larger purpose (to be successful, to get to heaven, to find meaning), or to play a particular role (mother, brother, teacher, healer, leader, student, employee, boss). We take on these ideas of our life being for something other than itself, for someone other than one’s self. But this is a terrible trade—I’ll live my life for you, if you do the same for me (pick the relationship—that dynamic can be there).
The subtle message of obligation to others, as a trade for your own happiness, is everywhere. There is a subtle or explicit implication of an external authority, whose eyes we must be 'good' in. I hear it all the time in therapy. 'I have to go to work.' 'I have to take care of my family.' 'I should give/do/be more.' 'I'm doing it wrong.' 'I need to think of my children/mother/partner.' 'I live for my kids.' 'I have to find my purpose.''I need them to understand.' 'I'm not good enough.' 'I need this job.'
None of these 'shoulds' and perceived obligations are true. Your life is your life. You get to take care of your family (or not), call your mother (or not), change jobs (or not), pay your bills (or not), have a purpose (or not) because you want to (or don't), because that is what works for you (or doesn't) in your life, not because you 'should.' There is no authority in your life but your own.
When we see that our life is ours, we free up a ton of energy for the natural enjoyment of giving to others, which is built into our human systems (in all but a handful of psychopaths). When we give to one another from this natural enjoyment, there is no expectation of return. It is a true gift, versus a contractual obligation. We love to give the gift of ourselves...once it is not manipulated out of us.
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission
We are subtly being clubbed by fear/conditioning before we are even born. All of the messages of what we need to be (in order to receive attention and to survive our childhoods) confuses the naturally unique pathways we each have. All of us has been clubbed in some way by our parents (innocently), by our cultures (also innocent), and each of us must find the willingness to wake up from this dankness, this terrible trade—our life for others’ love and approval—and heal this submission inside ourselves, inside our own bodies.
I heard this quote from Marshall Rosenberg recently: “Depression is your reward for being a good person.” Ooooff. That’s it. Your life flattens and desensitizes when you are in abeyance with anyone other than yourself. And often, after our spirit has been flattened by some external authority (we let them flatten it--they don't do it to us), we become ‘bad’ in rebellion, wanting to reclaim our lives, but not quite knowing how, perhaps raging at our loved ones (that would be me!), confused by so many messages of what we should be that we don't know what is true or right for us---and we rage against the people we believe cause our suffering (they don't), not having established the real and true boundaries we desire.
The machine we should be raging against is the inner machine of our own conditioning--all of the stressful beliefs about what our lives should be that we haven't yet seen through, haven't yet healed and softened in our body-minds.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
We have innocently believed in endless instructions on ‘how’ to live this life (as if it needed any help!). God bless them all, these parents, teachers, employers and friends, but they had no idea what they were talking about.
Their messages darkened our awareness with cloudy beliefs and instructions: 'You should call your mother.' 'You have to pay the bills.' 'You have to go to school.' 'Be nice.' 'Be polite.' 'Be kind.' 'Be good.' 'Be quiet.' 'That’s crazy.' 'That’s stupid.' 'That’s smart.' 'That’s clever.' 'You’re ugly.' 'You’re great.' 'You’re weird.' 'You’re clueless.' 'Stop crying.' 'Stop laughing.' 'You’re not supposed to say that/ask that/do that.'
I’ve believed every one of these. But the real truth (to say it again) is that you are your own authority, your own light. Align with that, with the authentic and alive spirit that is moving you, right now, effortlessly. It goes by many names, this inner light: the quiet voice, intuition, inner knowing, flow, your 'yes', inner awareness, spirit, the force (Star Wars fans--it's real!). This light beats the darkness, the heavy conditioning we are burdened by—it is bright and light and easy. It feels effortless. And it is right here, inside of you--not out there, in their eyes, in their approval.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you
Every one of us is perfectly marvelous. We just forgot for a minute. The gods wait because we have been delaying our marvelousness, attempting to protect ourselves from others’ judgment, believing we needed their love and approval to survive, and thus compromising ourselves in countless ways. It is an innocent belief, this need for approval, but it is untrue. The only approval we ever needed was our own. Read Byron Katie's book "I Need Your Love. Is that True?" for more support and clarity on this topic: https://www.storeforthework.com/collections/byron-katie-books.
Have you ever met someone who was (without any ego or attitude about it) simply at home with themselves..? Someone who enjoyed their marvelousness and was just doing their thing...? Weren't they delightful? That's you too. That's me. When we give ourselves the ok to live our life as we would like to, to live it as it comes naturally, we shine so beautifully that we become a light unto others---a living example of someone in truth, in deep integrity with themselves.
Your life is your life. Fucking live it how you'd love to!
For fun and inspiration, here's an audio clip of two Bukowski poems (read in an appropriately raspy & gorgeous voice), including the poem above: